If you CHOOSE to eat chicken, do it in private. But stop putting your chicken-eating in my face all the time. And don’t, in any way, try to lure MY CHILDREN into your lifestyle.
Anytime there’s a restaurant scene on t.v. or in the movies, I have to shield my children’s eyes. Didn’t have to worry about that only a few years ago. Now HOLLYWOOD makes it seem like choosing to eat chicken is an entirely natural thing that doesn’t bring the wrath of vengeance upon us all. It totally does! Did Hurricane Katrina happen in a non-chicken-eating country? Case closed.
Nothing angers me more than when a leader I voted for or gave money to for his moral stance on not letting chicken-eaters marry or teach ends up getting caught eating turducken. Happens too often to count.
Our nation’s morals and marriages are in the toilet. Stop eating chicken. Stop trying to get my kids to eat chicken. Back off. Eat more cows. They have got it coming. Book of Angus 4:21 “Consume not the flesh of fowl, for it is effeminancy and an abomination.”
And enough with the chicken pride parades. Do that stuff at home (at the peril of your immortal soul) but get your plumage and clucking off MY streets that MY tax dollars pay for.
Meditation (or time for calm concentration) is a Very Fine Thing. This message on the back of a van was confusing. It makes prayer like when a Pokemon charges up its power, or when one of the X-Men needs a second or two to do his/her thing. Prayer shouldn’t be like getting a bonus on a Dungeons and Dragons die roll, should it?
That noticeable smudge is bird poop on my windshield. All other smirches are on the van.
Went with the family to watch Hugo, a movie we all enjoyed. Nice to watch a kids film that didn’t feel obliged to make rapid fire jokes with pop cultural references to get an easy laugh of recognition without requiring any wit (HATE that!). Hugo is about art, cinema (ekphrasis alert!), orphans, inspiration. As portrayed in the film, all Parisians have British accents. Good to know! Will British ribbing of the French ever cease? Sascha Baron Cohen does a good job as a demi-villain, too. Oscar nomination for Best Picture seems likely.
Although, for less than a second, during a tumult in a Paris train station, JAMES JOYCE makes an appearance in a café! For this dormant Joycean, a pleasing touch.
On the way back home in the car, the kids insisted on listening to The Book of Mormon soundtrack. I am very proud when they start singing along. I skipped playing the song “Hasa Diga Ebowai” which has lyrics like “Fuck you god, in the ass, mouth, and cunt. Fuck you in the eye.” (with a bouncy melody!). They asked why I skipped it (which they’ve heard before).
My 11 y/o son: “Is it because of the bad words?” I said: “Yes, and it’s because your Mom is in the car and I don’t want to shock her.” That turned into a sarcastic flurry with me asking the kids in the back seat things like: “So, you’re telling me you kids continue to make good decisions about what words to use, and when, and don’t feel the need to say dirty words at every single opportunity?” When the joshing subsided, I STILL did not play the song. In role modeling that authority often involves erratic rules, my children are learning important life lessons.
We DID listen to the song “Man Up”, which has the line “Christ, he manned up.” Son asked what that was about. After a few seconds to compose my thoughts, I summarized the story of Jesus Christ’s passion, the crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension in neutral language in about a minute and a half! Yes, I am bragging about that, have EARNED it, and…
The past weekend’s episode of Saturday Night Live had a funny skit about the Greek economy that took place on Olympus. Ya, ya. Seeing it four days later (sometimes being a parent with a full-time job hinders timely consumption of pop culture doses). While not truly fair to the Greek gods, the skit was pretty funny. Felt like someone making fun of your parents: a blend of “Ha ha” and more than a few “Hey, watch it, now!” complete with the wag of an admonishing finger.
Imagine a world (dream or nightmare) where I am an omnipotent force over the entire United States. After some thought, I have decided against omniscience. Enough waking hours are spent sprawled with my own thoughts on a chaise lounge, back of my hand pressed against forehead, lamenting “Lo, the burden of consciousness!” to find any appeal in compounding that by a factor of 300 million more thoughts.
Keeping the basic structures of the government intact, some things I would change:
FAITH Anyone who cites The Bible as a source of logic and/or a magical Christian force as directing his/her political campaign must be immediately quizzed. If he/she can correctly name 2/3 of the books of The Bible, that person will be deemed a true believer and can retain office. If the person can name only half of the books of The Bible, a discretionary oral quiz may be administered asking for a convincing interpretation of the “Book of Solomon” within the context of the Old Testament. If done with decent feeling, the person will pass. An interpretation citing “Solomon” as a prophecy of the arrival of Christ will result in an automatic fail (remember, OT context).
Failing the quiz means loss of office, being publicly branded a “poseur”, and his/her constituents must elect someone else.
GAY MARRIAGE Anyone who has voted or spoken within the last ten years against the right of homosexuals to marry within shall immediately be gay married for a period no shorter than two years. This shall serve two purposes: 1.) It will prove to the person that homosexuals can be conventional and not 100% as exotic and “on” as the media portrays. 2.) Most importantly, gay-bashing zealots are likely closet cases and the steady understanding of a same-sex partner will chill them the fuck out.
BIRTHERS Any elected official who maintains or alleges Barack Obama was not born in the United States of America, and thus should not be President, must be removed from office and his/her constituents must elect someone else. Birthers are latent (or overt) racists and have not shown this vigilance monitoring the pedigree of any white President. They are also patsies to the neo-con playbook defining Obama as an “Other”. GTFO. Birthers may be admitted back into office after having given a verbal mea culpa named A Very Special Testimonial. Any Testimonial citing having several friends/acquaintances from various ethnicities shall result in immediate disqualification and the ban from office maintained.
TEA PARTY Any elected official proclaiming themselves a Tea Party member must be removed from office save for meeting condition (a) below and their constituents must elect someone else. They are corporate neo-con patsies, and have shifted from railing against bank bailouts (understandable), to now thinking Obamacare is the greatest problem our nation faces. Sadly, they found their sense of purpose when a black man took office and were not visible when white President Bush started two wars conducted off the books, a record-setting corporate welfare giveaway, massive deficits, warrantless wiretapping of citizens, and torture.
(a) If a Tea Party member can show evidence he/she protested Bush-era issues at the time they occurred he/she will get a totally pimp-ass card made from platinum and jewels, and free gas for a year. One has been made up for Ron Paul, otherwise the expense of this offer is expected to be limited.
REMEMBERING ME There shall be no establishment of religion for the purpose of worshipping the God Emperor of the United States. First, it’s a recipe for trouble and institutional corruption. Second, I don’t respect kiss-asses.
Rather than typical prayer — usually involves taking the position of a slave to the master, pretentious whispering/chanting — contacting the God Emperor of the United States shall happen strictly through Facebook, Twitter, or Google+ where I shall be sure to see it.
“It has so many AWESOME parts. You simply won’t believe how much this book can change your life.”
“Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. It is the opium of the people.”
— Karl Marx, Contribution to the Critique of Hegel’s Philosophy of Right
“Hello. My name is Elder Price, and I would like to share with you the most amazing book.”
— Elder Price, The Book of Mormon
When listening to the Broadway soundtrack (and eventually watching the show: YAY!) to the Tony-sweeping The Book of Mormon, I keep thinking of Marx’s compassionate point preceding the “opiate of the people” line.
The musical gets a LOT of deep digs in at Mormonism, but makes a profound point in its savage satire with complex, catchy, funny, moving songs. People need stories, and will adapt stories to resonate with them, no matter how ridiculous their sources. The more oppressed the people, the deeper the wish-thinking in their collective sigh for a tale to tie it all together.
“I’m going to take you back to Blblical times: 1823.”
— Elder Price, The Book of Mormon
Referral form used by Mormon missionaries circa 1993. Yes, my copy.
Joseph Smith, the founding “Prophet” of Mormonism, was a multiple-count convicted con-man “money-digger” who charged money to tell people where treasure was buried by using a sham device. The victims would dig where he told him. When they found nothing, the move was to say “Ah! The treasure must have moved, then. But it USED to be here.”
Smith claimed to be directed by an angel named Moroni (!) to dig in a yard in upstate New York, where a series of drilled-hole bound golden plates was buried telling the story of the Mormon people. A tribe of Jews sailed from the Middle East to the Americas and had a bunch of dull-ass adventures and talkity talk. Also, Jesus visited the Americas between the Crucifixion & Ascension. And Eden is in Missouri.
“I believe in 1978 God changed His mind about black people!”
— Elder Price, Book of Mormon
Mormonism was a hobby in my teens & 20s along with my buddy Paul and later on with buddy Fanny. More lore? Dark skinned people were marked because they were cursed, and ineligible to be full Mormons. Jesus and Satan are brothers. Only men are eligible for priesthood (crazy!) but since all men of age are eligible to be priests there is no vow of celibacy (whew!). In the afterlife, the blessed get their own planets (Coo-ol!). In 1978, the Mormon President announced a divine revelation that dark-skinned people could be full Mormons. New demographic for international markets!
Joseph Smith did not allow anyone to see the golden plates he got. He persuaded a neighbor, Martin Harris. to dictate him “translating” the golden plates from behind a suspended blanket. Smith was not even looking directly into the plates, but into magical seer stones set inside of a hat to block out all light. Harris was never allowed to see the plates. It became an obsession for Harris at the expense of maintaining his livelihood. His spouse, the brave Emma Harris, hero for the ages, had enough of this bullshit and swiped away the 116 pages of manuscript and demanded Smith try to reproduce them. No big deal, given he was reading from magical golden tablets still in tact. Right? RIGHT? In pure Imam/Vatican fashion, Smith declared the first manuscript infected by Satan (like the “Satanic Verses” of the Koran) and a new version from OTHER plates, even more pure, was incipient and would be dictated to other writers.
Back to the book. It sucks. It’s boring. It lifts entire sections of The Bible, and clumsily apes the poetry of the King James Bible. But the preface is AMAZING and crazy and ballsy and defensive. Joseph Smith persuading people to sign testimony they saw magical figures beaming in to interact with Joseph Smith. Check it out if you get a chance.
“Did you know that Jesus lived here in the U.S.A.? You can read all about it now. In this nifty book, it’s free, no you don’t have to pay!”
— Elder Young, Book of Mormon
In the 19th century Mormons DESPERATELY wanted to be a separate nation named Deseret that extended from what is now Utah to southern California, Nevada, chunks of Oregon, Nevada, Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico. Congress threw them land-locked Utah territory instead. Also, polygamy was an important part of doctrine and critical in swelling LDS numbers. Polygamy isn’t as big a deal to my sensibilities now, so long as it’s between adults – when it leads to childbrides, though, send in the rescue teams! But polygamy got shed from Mormon doctrine more than a century ago.
“Eternal life is super fun! And if you let us in we’ll show you how it can be done!”
So, the Book of Mormon compounds a bunch of American crap with shoddy, all-too-human rubbish imagination and bigotry as a Third Testament to the New Testament, itself a collection of contradictions and tamperings by womb-fearing men written generations after the death of Jesus that ends with a petulant smashing of everyone’s toys and eternal torture of those not in the club. And the New Testament compounds the idiocy and superstitions of the Old Testament, a series of Iron Age myths written and edited and re-edited when Man did not know anything about anything. But the Book of Mormon, unlike the Old and New Testament, at LEAST acknowledges geography beyond the Middle East. So, point awarded to Joseph Smith. Still, a mish-mash glopped onto hash that was already on a pile of hash.
“I’m wet with salvation!”
The musical The Book of Mormon mocks a LOT of that, even starting up a FOURTH Testament to compound on Smith’s book with more absurdities. Magical frogs that cure AIDS. Boba Fett as divine instrument of justice. On and on. Each element hilarious and/or heart-wringing. Each of them adapted by a native people in despair and distress. Joseph Smith’s book evangelized by the Mormon missionairies bores them, but frogs that cure AIDS and holy admonitions to not circumcize people (in this case, women)? That resonates with them NOW!
The musical knows Mormons tend to be “really fucking polite to everyone” and plays it for laughs, then finds its heart there. Video below of a HUGE, grim laugh in the first half of the show. “Turn it Off”, a number about ignoring horrors and troubles, including being a closeted gay, by clicking them off, like a light switch. At this point, the two main missionaries, Elder Price (the tallest, handsomest, charismatic and most destined for greatness) and Elder Cunningham (shlubby, prone to making things up), are experiencing culture shock after arriving in a war-torn Uganda village where their fellow Mormons have failed to convert a single person. This number earned the main singer in the number (supporting player Rory O’Malley) a Tony nomination. Official video is not available, but here’s an amateur production that’s charming:
Nikki M James
Nikki M James has a Tony. She is talented and beautiful. World domination inevitable.After witnessing a violent act by a warlord general, Elder Price begins to doubt his destiny as the next Joseph Smith. His crisis of faith splits him from Elder Cunningham, who must take the lead after being disregarded his whole life. He falls in with a local girl Nabulungi (Nikki M. James, who won a Tony for the role) who is charmed by his imagination and sees him as a way out of the horrors of Uganda to a paradisal land called Sal Tlay Ka Siti. James’s performance of “Sal Tlay Ka Siti” (say it aloud to get the joke) is a turning point that the show will not be completely “Har har!” mockery of its characters. It’s moving, and she does a great job of selling the yearning in a song that ends: “I’m on my way/ Soon life won’t be so shitty./ Now salvation has a name. / Sal Tlay Ka Siti.”
Side note: the actors playing Ugandans have wandering accents, shifting from genero-African-ish to Carribean inflections and, heck, I’m not a dialectitionator. Not gonna go to Uganda to research this point. I’ll drop the pretense.
From the rousing final number: “Who cares what happens when we’re dead? We shouldn’t think that far ahead. The only latter day that matters is tomorrow.”Elder Cunningham flourishes and uses his lying/creativity to adapt and exaggerate and customize stories that resonate with the tribe, as Joseph Smith did. And the people exaggerate the stories even further to suit themselves.
The writers of The Book of Mormon (the dudes who make South Park and the composer behind Avenue Q) have mentioned originally they were going to have Elder Price killed by gunfire, leaving Cunningham completely alone to lead the tribe, as Joseph Smith was fatally shot and left Brigham Young to lead. A severe, intriguing idea. Price does not die (spoiler!) but does go on a divergent path that makes for a richer exploration of ideas about religion, faith, and not needing belief in heavenly reward to work to help people in this realm.
“We are all still Latter-Day-Saints. All of us. Even if we changed some things, or we break the rules, or we have complete doubt that God exists. We can still all work together and make this our paradise planet.”
This guy on staff was really cool about handling people eager to figure out how to get tickets.
The Book of Mormon is the hottest ticket on Broadway, even before reaping Tonys. I love theater, but had never been to a Broadway show, or New York City, before watching it August 13. I’m not much of a musical afficionado. The few musicals I do know, through film, I know deeply: Singin’ in the Rain, An American in Paris, West Side Story, Grease, and … that may be it. Oh, Purple Rain, but that doesn’t really count. The Les Miserables mania in the late 80s? Pass. Phantom of the Opera? Get the fuck outta here. Wicked? May see it before I die, but wouldn’t recognize a single song.
I dig theater. I’ve seen nearly 100+ productions at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival over the last 25 years, modern and classical productions. And I’m competitive about being the first audience member to clap. An embarrassing trait during classical recitals in the break between one musical movement to another.
But The Book of Mormon? I’d listened to the soundtrack maybe 20 times before seeing the show, and it’s the first time in my life I’ve owned a soundtrack for a currently running Broadway show.
It does skim ONE problem with regarding religion as stories – it’s okay to let other people follow whatever myths they want. But the evangelism, telling other people what to do, is where the true harm comes in. Why can’t people imbued with the Great Cosmic Answer seem content and happy? Why the need to bully others? Not so much a Mormon trait, but a general lamentation about the self-Elected.
Seeing the production, the script and plot points not conveyed by the songs themselves (though the songs do a great job of moving the story) was a great experience. Inspired acting and direction, catchy tunes, fun choreography. Toward the end of the show, I got teary-eyed from being so happy to be there and see the show with great wit and heart. It was fun watching the show with a friend who didn’t know what to expect. And even knowing what to expect, the show exceeded my hopes.
What I’m saying is: the story of The Book of Mormon really resonated with me. And I want to share its story with you.
Dan Savage was on The Colbert Report last week (only catching up to episodes now) to talk about marriage for same-sex couples, marriage’s history as a conveyance of property, and monogamy. It was a good platform. His Savage Love podcast makes for great weekly listening (funny, righteous political anger, incisive wit), and the book he has been evangelizing, Sex at Dawn, is an eye-opener on how we as a society should be more pragmatic about human nature and happiness and less hypocritical in public (and especially, to my mind, the media). Still smarting that Anthony Weiner, who touched no one that we know of, felt forced to resign when known prostitute (legalize it!) clients were still on the floor of Congress unperturbed.
The guy sitting behind Colbert is his longtime comedy buddy Paul Dinello playing “my Building Manager Tad” a Heterosexual Accountability Buddy, making fun of the Bachmans’ gay reparative therapy horrorshow. Any-hoo, an amusing, fast-moving comedy bit:
Saw this hipster setup walking around today (6 miles before work!). A plastic Virgin Mary rests on the leopardskin backseat of a Ford Galaxie 500. Mr. Springsteen, assuming you see this photo and write a song, put your contact info in the comments so my agent can contact you about the royalty check.
When looking at the cosmic membrane that gets pressed in one place, to rise in another, it looks like the Mormon Church bankrolling the shitty, hateful Proposition 8 in California is responsible for the revenge of The Book of Mormon musical triumphing on Broadway.
Studying Mormonism was a hobby back in the early 90s, and The Book of Mormon hits on a LOT of the absurdities of Mormon cosmology. Men get their own planets in heaven, the Mormon President speaks to god, Joseph Smith transcribed the contents from golden plates he never allowed anyone to see. But there’s simply too much idiocy – leading to authentic human misery – for even one musical to cover. The song “I Believe” performed on The Tony Awards packs a bunch of ’em in, though. In the plot Elder Price is one of two missionaries assigned to Uganda for his mission and he has to deal with violent warlords and an AIDS-ridden culture in which many people with AIDS feel if they have sex with a virgin their AIDS will go away.
Among the things left out of the musical? Satan and Jesus as brothers. Joseph Smith was a convicted con man before his “revelation”. Bigamy. Constant divine revelations about purely bureaucratic matters – though the musical does have instances of people making up doctrine and revelations right on the spot.
A single line in “I Believe” touches on the generations of doctrinal racism “I believe that in 1978 god changed his mind about black people.” The whole book is horribly written (yes, I read it once) in the style of a mock King James Bible. Did Jesus come to the Americas? Check. Was a lost tribe of Israel running around the Americas? Sure, why not!
All embarrassments to humanity now. What’s additionally unforgiveable is the Mormon Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints Bachman-Turner Overdrive is their bankrolling the forces that passed Prop 8 in California. Is there any issue in our country MORE OBVIOUSLY DOOMED TO HATEFUL OBSCURITY than banning homosexuals from full legal rights, including marriage? The arguments are exactly the same as those who stood against mixed-race marriages. Those bigots ALSO cited holy writ (which is always POORLY writ and never, ever holy) to make their case. “Based on my book of made-up nonsensical rules from a barely literate dolt…”
The Book of Mormon musical on Broadway is the artistic community dragging the silly Mormons into the light for ridicule. Long overdue. Hopefully the light will exercise Mormonism from otherwise considerate, compassionate people who will realize they don’t need generations of compounded flimflammery to be nice people. They are already nice people.
