Valentine’s Day new-timey sweetness

In ancient Rome during middle February they feasted quite deeply during pagan Lupercalia. To slit the throats of a dog and a goat then eat them would cure what ailed ya.

Then ladies’d stand naked in line, and while blitzed on wine the fellas all’d hit them.

Later on ladies’ names were drawn by men in a game to determine who later would schtup ’em.

Couples might bond, other times not gel, in either case they’d end up sticky.

While rollicking and violent, horrid and wrong, somehow that all ended as this edible Mickey.

The Valentine’s cookie was sweet, decorated neat, and blended to smooth consistency.

Eating it made me sluggish and slow, hardly rarin’ to go, and in the wild my rivals would pass me.

Would I end up behind down the Lupercalian line slapping laggard asses that didn’t quite suit me?

I’d probably stay back, plan a selective attack based on hair, guessed-at smarts, self-esteem.

Or would I have thought “Sod it all. Ave, Venus!” and hope my card would lead to love at first sight?

All this mulling now and then while with a ravenous grin I chomped down on this corporate copyright.

Gore Vidal on writing & moral judgment

While on a plane, I watched an old CSPAN-2 Book TV episode of “In Depth” with Gore Vidal. It’s three hours, and I’ve watched it several times. Many layers of “nerrrrrd” to unpack, but do not be fooled – the amount of pop culture junk food I binge on would destroy the liver and kidneys of a typical person.

His statement in this excerpt struck me, as I’d been on a fiction writing jag that’s probably not for public consumption, a spin off from my main project very much about creatively processing some ideas rolling around trying to figure out where my thoughts are:

“Generally, I find one writes to find out what one thinks. I find that if I don’t write, I don’t think. I just sensate.”

As posted before, I am worried about Vidal dying soon. His interview above was 11 years ago.

“Woman’s Work” by Julia Alvarez

Thanks to Fanny C. for recommending a book of poetry: Rebel Angels, 25 Poets of the New Formalism. I’ve been making slow progress, but have stopped and lurched backward to re-read this poem several times. It’s not sophisticated, but it’s stuck.

Julia AlvarezWoman’s Work
by Julia Alvarez

Who says a woman’s work isn’t high art?
She’d challenge as she scrubbed the bathroom tiles.
Keep house as if the address were your heart.

We’d clean the whole upstairs before we’d start
downstairs. I’d sigh, hearing my friends outside.
Doing her woman’s work was a hard art

to practice when the summer sun would bar
the floor I swept till she was satisfied.
She kept me prisoner in her housebound heart.

She’d shine the tines of forks, the wheels of carts,
cut lacy lattices for all her pies.
Her woman’s work was nothing less than art.

And I, her masterpiece since I was smart,
was primed, praised, polished, scolded and advised
to keep a house much better than my heart.

I did not want to be her counterpart!
I struck out. . .but became my mother’s child:
a woman working at home on her art,
housekeeping paper as if it were her heart.

For my part, didn’t grow up with a Mom who was so fastidious, or LIVED so much through housework. My parents (split home-ish-ness, but consolidating everyone for simplicity’s sake) put an emphasis on us kids doing chores and housekeeping so we would not be totally useless when we left the nest. Seems obvious and common, but how many people/roommates have we known who moved away from home with little or no household skills?

The poem is a manifesto, but my place in life is not summed up in the last stanza, though in time it may be. While sputtering in my writing projects, I see my 8 y/o daughter taking an interest in writing story ideas or phrases in a journal she has, she’s made several observations over the years about seeing me write, and both kids sometimes ask about the state of my writing projects.

I wonder if I’m role modeling for her. If she’ll see my taking spare moments to write as an acceptable norm, a habit for her to build on. If my life is an intermediary step for any greater successes she may have. That’s fine with me. I’d be proud to see it.

‘Hugo’, musicals, summing up Christ, James Joyce

Went with the family to watch Hugo, a movie we all enjoyed. Nice to watch a kids film that didn’t feel obliged to make rapid fire jokes with pop cultural references to get an easy laugh of recognition without requiring any wit (HATE that!). Hugo is about art, cinema (ekphrasis alert!), orphans, inspiration. As portrayed in the film, all Parisians have British accents. Good to know! Will British ribbing of the French ever cease? Sascha Baron Cohen does a good job as a demi-villain, too. Oscar nomination for Best Picture seems likely.

Although, for less than a second, during a tumult in a Paris train station, JAMES JOYCE makes an appearance in a café! For this dormant Joycean, a pleasing touch.

On the way back home in the car, the kids insisted on listening to The Book of Mormon soundtrack. I am very proud when they start singing along. I skipped playing the song “Hasa Diga Ebowai” which has lyrics like “Fuck you god, in the ass, mouth, and cunt. Fuck you in the eye.” (with a bouncy melody!). They asked why I skipped it (which they’ve heard before).

My 11 y/o son: “Is it because of the bad words?” I said: “Yes, and it’s because your Mom is in the car and I don’t want to shock her.” That turned into a sarcastic flurry with me asking the kids in the back seat things like: “So, you’re telling me you kids continue to make good decisions about what words to use, and when, and don’t feel the need to say dirty words at every single opportunity?” When the joshing subsided, I STILL did not play the song. In role modeling that authority often involves erratic rules, my children are learning important life lessons.

We DID listen to the song “Man Up”, which has the line “Christ, he manned up.” Son asked what that was about. After a few seconds to compose my thoughts, I summarized the story of Jesus Christ’s passion, the crucifixion, resurrection, and ascension in neutral language in about a minute and a half! Yes, I am bragging about that, have EARNED it, and…

… NAILED IT!

Baton twirl like a man!

Male baton twirler with the Oregon State University marching band in their halftime show against Oregon November 26. They lost 49-21. It’s a fair guess this baton twirlrer didn’t really give a shit about that.

My baton casts a glamor spell on the throngs stacked all around and above me in the stands. Eyes on me, drawn to my poise and flash as schoolmates waddle with bulk strapped to their trunks. I am unencumbered. I interpret the music. Many watch to thwart me, to hope I drop the baton. I will not let them win. I am here to instill triumph for those who trust in me. I am not asked to show my legs like my more common baton twirling sisters. Just as well as my legshow would incur mass envy. I am slim. I am quick. I can toss and catch on the beat. I am strong. I am fierce. I twirl the baton as a goddamned man. I am a warrior.

I trust in the plasticity of the human brain

I trust in the plasticity of the human brain.

Sitting in deep thoughts, realizing I have thought these thoughts before and I rarely realize new deep things I deliberate and determine to go to bed rather than chance the arrival for a rare new thought.

In sustaining joys, jarring absences by death, by geography, by time, by recycling things in mind churn and churn and I resolve to rest to be more adept and acute for the next day of new circumstances and the assurances of familiar uncanny echoes and reliable routines.

Wisdom and time give ballast. In practiced, palliative breaths shivers of memory are expelled through my arms and fingers and absorbed into bone and blood and meat to be borne quietly for guidance and haunting.

Dilemmas become routine, as for everyone. I exhale and go to solid sleep.

I trust in the plasticity of the human brain.

Pragmatism

The want in your eyes said “Come find me.” There is no practical way in these practical times, but I will try. I said that I would try, in my honest glance back.

Dying into a dance, an agony of trance.

The unpurged images of day recede;
The Emperor’s drunken soldiery are abed;
Night resonance recedes, night walkers’ song
After great cathedral gong;
A starlit or a moonlit dome disdains
All that man is,
All mere complexities,
The fury and the mire of human veins.

Before me floats an image, man or shade,
Shade more than man, more image than a shade;
For Hades’ bobbin bound in mummy-cloth
May unwind the winding path;
A mouth that has no moisture and no breath
Breathless mouths may summon;
I hail the superhuman;
I call it death-in-life and life-in-death.

Miracle, bird or golden handiwork,
More miracle than bird or handiwork,
Planted on the star-lit golden bough,
Can like the cocks of Hades crow,
Or, by the moon embittered, scorn aloud
In glory of changeless metal
Common bird or petal
And all complexities of mire or blood.

At midnight on the Emperor’s pavement flit
Flames that no faggot feeds, nor steel has lit,
Nor storm disturbs, flames begotten of flame,
Where blood-begotten spirits come
And all complexities of fury leave,
Dying into a dance,
An agony of trance,
An agony of flame that cannot singe a sleeve.

Astraddle on the dolphin’s mire and blood,
Spirit after spirit! The smithies break the flood,
The golden smithies of the Emperor!
Marbles of the dancing floor
Break bitter furies of complexity,
Those images that yet
Fresh images beget,
That dolphin-torn, that gong-tormented sea.

Byzantium, by William Butler Yeats

This is the follow-up poem by Yeats to his Sailing to Byzantium, one of my favorites in my 20s. This poem, written only three years later, is a call-back where the narrator explores the city of legend he aspired to reach in the earlier poem. It makes me realize the aspiration to be a crafted mechanical bird, immortal, singing to lords and ladies of the past, present, or things to come is a way out of the trappings of age and a way into existence of art into posterity, but does not convey the mire, the nature and swamp and meat of life that gives beauty. The poem above seems more sage, an initiate regarding new arrivals. Art as a process of burning and refining. Sensible. Suits an accomplished genius like Yeats. Feels like the only things I have to share are laden messes, to convey the muck and the ooze of it all. I’ve not gained the knack for refinement yet.

While typing this, the itching from a new haircut trickles down my neck through the collar of my t-shirt and sweatshirt. Seeing the amount of silver compared to brown (once natural blonde!) that falls in clumps over the haircut cape while sitting in the chair continues to amuse. The buzzing and tugging and trimming that comes from a woman cutting my hair always feels more intimate than it should be. If there’s not much chit-chat, I tend to tip higher, but I still tip pretty high because in a small way grooming by someone’s hands feels like a moment. The race between my hair turning to silver, and whether I have hair left at all, tends to not amuse. As my hair has waned over the last two decades, I determined to improve my personality to compensate. But, as in so many such resolutions, I’ve let up on THAT a bit. The curmudgeon will out.

As I get to the tasty sludge of a dark hot cocoa at a high end, but not quite aristocratic, chocolateria, three Asian women are having a spirited conversation in a language that is not Japanese nor Chinese. Their pace is quick. Their voices complement each other, and it’s a relief to NOT know enough of their words to eavesdrop. Mild melodic background. Light laughter. I’m tempted to place my smartphone on the small coffee table between them and record their voices for future background noise.

And, like that, I’ve resolved I like Sailing to Byzantium better. The narrator laments, aspires, but is not accomplished enough, it has not yet reached the holy city. November is National Novel Writing Month, and I need to get ramped up on my project.

Buzzy throbbing rectangles

When set aside and not (one of) you its vibrations go nnzzzzzt like a nightstand alarm. Grrrrr.

What NOW?

When set aside or held, with catching a message volley its vibrations are a purrrrr.

Ah! Huzzah!

Sometimes it feels like a single cord, taut, if I shake my rectangle it makes yours flip.

I curl slightly, dumb happy look (probably), and open my chest and send a throb into the backlit screen.

The pulse makes its way to you. You, also hunched, grin widely, clutch it closer. Whisper type back.

When it’s business I lean back in aversion, make a face, thumb slaps respond.

Busy times it feels tentacled. Ugh. Latching onto hands and chair and lap. If I dropped it (though pricey!) it may skitter under the table shade. Crouching, anxious to pounce again at the next bzzzzzt.

Out and about. *CLICK* I am here. *SEND*

*CHECK* Has anyone? *SCROLL* Where is? *CHECKITY-CHECK* Ah! Have I been there? *COMMENTY-COMMENT*

A nuisance. A boon. Data plans are expensive, but planes and trains cost more.

ASCII and files slung back and forth in digital semaphore.

Amusement aggravation. I am not there I am here.

Life gets less vapid with wants and hopes and jibes filling the air.