Greasy Palins, with a side of gay-bashing.

Sarah Palin posted a goofy photo endorsing Chick-Fil-A on her Facebook Page. After joking with friends, a buddy suggested putting a caption idea I had on the photo. Voilà! Adapting Palin’s photo seems ripe for widespread meme-dom. It is obnoxious, and deserves all the internet battery it gets!

Side note: I’ve hardly ever been to Chick-Fil-A. There aren’t many nearby, and the one I know of is in a shopping mall. I pretty much am only in shopping malls on weekends, and Chick-Fil-A is famously closed on Sundays (kinda respect that, heathen that I am). So, it long seemed elusive and unattainable. Guess it will be a while longer before I ever eat there. Like, after a head injury.

“Too soon” for cannibal humor?

Grim information below in the museum at the Donner Memorial Park in California (a lovely place with a nice lake, paths, impressive scenery with high hills above). Yet the location largely comemorates the famous Donner Party travelers who were stranded en route to California and had to eat about half of the people. I mean eat ALL of half of the people, not eat half of each person. Tidbit: the relatively wealthy Donner family was largely spared, most of the people eaten were poorer and/or servants.

The typo (or was it intentional?) that “Feuds and internal disagreements lowered their moral and further slowed the pace.”

Took a series of cannibal-related photos with the family around the site. Am guessing we are not the first to do so. Locals are probably tired of cannibal humor to the point where it no longer has any, well, bite to it. A rich and nutritious source of amusement for us tourists, though.

Cannibals in Polynesia refer to human flesh as “long pig”. Recommend white wine, then.

Pornography, strippers, art.

“The feelings excited by improper art are kinetic, desire or loathing. Desire urges us to possess, to go to something; loathing urges us to abandon, to go from something. These are kinetic emotions. The arts which excite them, pornographical or didactic, are therefore improper arts. The esthetic emotion (I use the general term) is therefore static. The mind is arrested and raised above desire and loathing.”
— Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man

Pornography. The new movie Magic Mike, about male strippers according the advertising campaign, made me think about this theory of art expounded by fictional college student Stephen Dedalus. And about desire. Dirty, dirty desire. And art.

QUICK! A photo of a chick, before the attention drops!

Dedalus’ theory is infused with the Catholic shame that evoking desire is something base and bad, exclusive of a more noble high-mindedness. Life isn’t quite that way, neither is art, but it does reflect my experiences in strip clubs.

The photo is one I took of a performer in Mary’s Club in downtown Portland as she says “Thank you!” to marchers on the inaugural day of Occupy Portland on October 6, 2011. A scantily-clad dude stands behind her, amused (easier to see if you zoom in).

It’s been more than a decade since I’ve been in a strip club. I hardly go out. I often go months without going into a bar. When I have gone to strip clubs, some of the time is spent desiring/coveting the performers on the stage. I don’t get aroused significantly, enticed is nearer the mark. Some of the time is also passed people watching, though watching people watch the same person you can has limited charm.

Mostly I wonder what the performer is thinking, and seeing through her eyes.

And I don’t feel pity, at least if the place is decent. The assumption many make that strippers and porno actresses have troubled family lives (doesn’t everyone?) and daddy issues (again, doesn’t everyone?) is condescending. Similar jabs aren’t laid at porno dudes or male dancers. It’s slut-shaming masquerading as gender sensitivity. Feh! FEH!

I have no statistics, but as this is the internet, amn’t gonna care. Stories abound of women who danced to help pay for college, knowing it was a waystation to another, better life. Or people who made a good living for a while. Who cares? Why judge?

It’s expression, it’s a mating display in controlled circumstances. An extension of the same mating/style displays we ponder when we decide what to wear because of how it looks/fits/conveys us for the day.

In strip clubs, if the vibe is good, I wonder what it’s like to be so desired. Thoughts fill of the power wielded, to have a physique that inspires want and awe from people who don’t know you. To know that and to use that to get what you need, to make a living, to hold people in thrall. To externalize that power with a smirk slays me when dancers do it.

Yes, it is possible to dwell in these thoughts while listening to lousy butt-rock music as women swirl around a pole. It is possible to have esthetic arrest and epiphanies to Motley Crüe or REO Speedwagon.

One of my favorite artists, singer/songwriter Sam Phillips, performs “The Fan Dance” in 2008.

From lump to bean

A book of Anne Sexton poems have been on my nightstand for about a year. I can only read 1-2 poems at a time before saturation. On those nights, chances run high I’ll dream about Sexton. Mostly her voice and sitting around in living rooms and dining rooms. Don’t even know what we talk about. Tried to write her back, with Father’s Day on my mind.

Women are born twice, men once.

But for us, son, the drying off is slow.

From lump to sapling to tree to bean.

And in between we watch and attend.

Watch clumsiness turn to grace to poise to squeezing life out again.

Help from the outside, only let in in small ways.

We are builders and servants, boasters and protectors.

Anne, what would you have made of us

Had you seen us grow from lump around again to bean? Seen us

Fuller, slower than invaders and thralls.

Between you and your slender friend in a Boston cab,

Breaking away from Lord Lowell. Brobdingnag jokes.

You both would catch in my eyes when I saw you as vessels.

As I would see in yours whether I was politic and small or rescuer and hunter.

Consigning you to gray sparking damp clouds would not happen on my watch.

Talking with trained strangers and medicinal minuets probably would.

Son, see how a poem to you turns to apostrophe

Of desire and dreams and duties?

Those are all of the things we do.

Do not let them be all the things you are.

Do not be afraid to take taxi cab rides alone.

Do not take all of your taxi cab rides alone.

Sting, biochemical love, loss of mind.

Sting is an example of an artist with a strong personality needing other strong personalities for balance/combat to create better art. The Police was a better act than Sting as a solo artist because the band had two people who could tell Sting to shut up.

Yet I poured over his first two solo albums, so great was the devotion to The Police. Grant me wisdom! Musical genre dabbling! Dribblings of wisdom! Then realized he was a dork. A slow period of acceptance.

I laughed when he appeared in diapers extolling the virtues of yoga in the early 90s (I later took on yoga). His tantric sex boast about maintaining a state of orgasmic arousal for four hours caused tittering across our Puritan nation (including me). Now? Dude, if you can manage it, bully for you. When I made that boast in Oregon shopping malls instead of MTV, it failed to pay dividends.

Sting claps during the Nothing Like the Sun tourWhen the song “Straight to My Heart” off his second late-1987 solo album Nothing Like the Sun came up as a topic, my girlfriend at the time and I mocked Sting (not around to defend himself) about being so showy over writing a pop song with a 7/8 time signature. In the Nothing Like the Sun tour, he had a little drill for the audience to teach us all to clap in 7/8 time. Nailed it! I can also clap on the 2/4 and 4/4 (noted on my résumé) but for genetic reasons cannot clap on country music’s 1/4 and 3/4 (not noted on résumé).

Video below is from a “Symphonicity” tour he did a few years ago. Sting/Police songs played backed by a symphony. I refused to attend, for religious/aesthetic reasons over the title. Haven’t gone to a Sting show for over 20 years. Yet on top of that “Synchronicity” = “Symphony” = “Symphonicity”? Yeesh.

YET, years later, I find myself charmed by the song. (1988 Me and Then-Girlfriend laugh at Present Me. I nod obeisantly, then turn with a grin and think: “Oh, brother, what you’ve got coming…”) The song is a defiance of the knowledge that romance is a state caused by biochemistry, not metaphysics.

A sub atomic chain
Will maybe galvanize the brain
A biochemic trance
Will eliminate romance

But why ever should we care
When there are arrows in the air
Formed by lovers’ ancient art
That go straight to my heart

Here are lyrics that would make a great Valentine’s Day card:

But what will make me yours
Are a millions deadly spores
Formed by lovers’ ancient art
That go straight to my heart

In an interview Henry Rollins did with Howard Stern years ago, he shared many insights. Two that have stuck: 1.) U2 may have the worst rhythm section of any major rock act 2.) Sting is a wickedly talented person, but if you buy a Sting CD then you have pretty much given up on music.

As “Straight to My Heart” has earwormed me the last couple of days, I have to allow for my own aesthetic/mental entropy. It’s possible to draw a straight line to a day when I will be in an old folks home (as an old folk) standing on a chair and singing Sting’s song “Russians” at the top of my lungs until the orderlies are summoned. Present Me mourns Future Me’s diminished mental state, but nods at what a kind of small bad ass moment that would be.

Beats

Giving semi-solace to mock sadness during a fast song.

Salmon, smoked salmon, on that salad, please (as a smart choice).

Shiva playful poses through a mist frosted bathroom’s glass pane.

Hard plastic inside soft plastic rattling of kinship to say hey, me too.

The drawer openings and closings, faucet openings and closings, day over day would hit a rhythm more measured than the most meticulous drummer. Not a rhythm that shakes the world, but a pulse.

When chocolate leapt to attack, and I wanted more.

Veronica’s Dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these damn things?
Veronica Sawyer: Because you’re an idiot.
Veronica’s Dad: Oh yeah, that’s it.
Heathers, 1988

For about the last month, I’ve become fond (won’t say addicted, can quit at any time) to this tasty offensive chocolate with chipotle, salt, and popping candy inside.

“Offensive” not as in violating sensibilites, offensive in that it once attacked me.

The other chocolates I’ve tried by Chuao Chocolatier have been so-so (no revenue for me if you click the link). Chuao Chocolatier is from – from the fancy name, did you guess Quebec or someplace in Europeland? Mais non! – San Diego, Cali-forn-i-a!

While chocolatier may be an apt phrase, to me, burgeoning curmudgeon, it connotes someone who takes him/herself a bit too seriously. Say, if it’s a dude, someone who grew an ironic mustache then began to cherish it on its own, then began to conduct himself in an affected old-timey-time manner.

This dark chocolate is a tad bitter, the chiles give it a sassy meanness, but the popping candy gives it drama. The candy within is a little like Pop Rocks, but with its Fruity Pebbles DNA taken out. It pops. It crackles. It snaps. (Disordered the tag line from Rice Krispies to disconcert you. I am an agent of chaos.)

I’m pretty sure it releases gas inside the pouch.

Taking a sealed blue pouch from car to a room, or room to the car, the pouch poofs out. It also poofs if kept in a room for a while. While opening it in such a state, it doesn’t sigh so much as gasp. Or maybe it’s a wheeze.

Like with most good chocolate, it’s meh if you eat it fast. This one really rewards a slow dissolve. A bit of sizzling as the fizzy kernels work their magic.

One time I opened a pouch and a little kernel cracked its way free and hit me on the face, bouncing off my right cheek then falling unconscious to the floor.

This candy’s sentience makes it even more appealing. Entire tribes of creatures dissolving and sliding down into my gullet.

“Get into my belly, ye kernels, and despair!”